Success Story Season 1 Episode 30 – Bye, You

Continuing the abundance mindset in practice series, here’s the second mindset shift we’re going to dive into this week: 

Mindset Shift # 2 – You need to surrounded yourself by people that practice the skill of an abundance mindset because the fear-based ideas of scarcity-focused people are not your problem and should never have the power to hold you back. 

Despite the risk of sounding like a broken record, you are the average of the five people you spend most of your time with. 

Get that through your head and help it settle in like a permanent resident, because my friend we are going to kick all the other residents out that aren’t helping you become who you want to be. 

So, diving right in because we are all about optimizing our time, here are three practical steps to take to control your daily interactions with people. 

1. Oprah doesn’t need to be your next door neighbor. 

I spend 70% of my time with people that I have never met before and who don’t even know that I exist. I do that because I love what they stand for, who they are, where they are headed, and how they help me sort out all of those things for my own life. Because of the internet and social media these days, each one of us has the luxury to be surrounded by our ideals. When I say the average of the five people most around you, I don’t mean in person. It can be time spent in the form of listening to a podcast, reading a book, or following their socials, which no longer gives any of us the excuse of not being able to find the right of people around us. 

Now, in-person interaction is important too so you do need a friend or two that resonates with your goals and priorities, and more often than not, you won’t find a perfect fit around you, but what you need to understand is that a single person doesn’t have to be everything for you. I personally have different friends for different facets of my life; I have my medical school friends, my writer friends, my entrepreneur friends, and my soul-friends as I like to call them that just get the human side of me. Surrounding myself with people that inspire me, give me energy instead of leech it off me, has been a game-changer. 

You need to stop being afraid of letting go of people, because I promise you, the only thing it does is leave more space for even better people to enter. 

2. Book-ending over a cutting-off rampage. 

Okay, now I am an intense kinda gal. I can be all about the all or nothing mentality which honestly, now that I look back at some of the decisions I’ve made over the years, isn’t the best way to go about life, especially when it concerns people. Now don’t get me wrong, if someone is toxic and abusive and gives you nothing but anxiety and pain in your life, that person needs to go, no questions asked, but for others that are mostly harmless and just don’t really align with the person that you want to be, you can limit your interaction with them instead of making it into a whole scene. This is where book-ending comes in. It is a simple strategy that has you ending your exposure to something or someone at a strict pre-decided time. 

For example, if I have to meet someone that either gossips or complains all the time and adds no real value to my life and there’s no way I can get out of it (let’s say it’s family), I will make sure that I have another commitment right after so I have no choice but to get out of there once the, let’s say, hour is over. Another thing you can do is make sure you only see certain people in groups so their energy is diffused. You can also distance yourself from people, and slowly you guys will lose touch. 

See I understand that distancing yourself from somebody that’s unsuspecting and nice to you for the most part can feel mean, but you can either be nice to other people or yourself. And truth is, nobody is going to die without you, they will if anything, find people that connect better with them than you ever did. 

I have spent my life trying to control and change people just so I could continue to be with them, and that is the worst thing you can do to both yourself and that other person. You can’t change people. You shouldn’t even have the entitlement to think you should. All you can do is live your life like the best version of you and give other people space to be the best version of themselves that they deem appropriate. 

3. Prioritize the gold. 

When you do find someone that either carries all the values you want in yourself, or is working towards the same goal, you need to try your best to nurture that relationship. Now, I don’t mean point out that one person in the crowd that inspires you and then tail them until they let you into their exclusive circle, no, absolutely not. You don’t run after anyone but yourself. What I mean, is be aware of the organic relationships you already have and actively prioritize the ones that makes you feel like who you want to be. 

Actively take out time to talk to them, make sure they know you appreciate them, and most importantly, always remember why you cherish them in the first place. In my experience, people that know what they want, have a very solid grasp on who they are and who they want to be, will not stick around if they aren’t being valued and being treated less than their worth, and obviously these people know how to give back and extend the same respect and undivided attention to the other person, so if you want high-value people to stick around in your life, prioritize them. Prioritize anyone you want in your life. Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize. I can’t say the word enough times. 

Your family, unless it’s one of those cases where it’s toxic and abusive, is that one exception that needs to be prioritized instinctively, because even when they might not be the most successful or driven people around you, they are the ones that partake in every low in your life, they are the ones that are stuck with you no matter where you end up in life, and they are extensions of you. Not prioritizing them can translate to your brain into not prioritizing yourself and where you come from.

Human connection is one of the best things about life and you need to make sure you make the best of it in the short time you’ve got. Having said that, sometimes I’d much rather sit and eat alone. And that’s exactly what makes the time that I am with someone else special. In summary, what I’m trying to say is, people need to be an active choice in your life, not a default. 

I hope you guys gained some value from this week’s episode, just remember: 

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” -Mark Ambrose 

So, choose carefully

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